Merry Christmas!
I’ve been pondering the Babe, born in a manger, whose birth changed the world.
It’s a miracle to be alive, to live this life.
Pema Chödrön wrote, “Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
This Christmas season has me noticing what I cling to and reevaluating if I want to continue in that inner panic.
“To stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of … gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior.”
“Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for practitioners or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us … to [wake] up and lean in when we feel we'd rather collapse and back away. They're like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we're stuck.”
That which I least desire, happening right now, is my greatest teacher and greatest opportunity. If I move toward it—fully allow it to permeate me, and practice compassion and curiosity—the dread, panic, clinging, and control will soften and a rebirth will occur. A thousand times a day we are offered a chance at rebirth.
“When we reach our limit, if we aspire to know that place fully—which is to say that we aspire to neither indulge nor repress—a hardness in us will dissolve. We will be softened by the sheer force of whatever energy—the energy of anger, the energy of disappointment, the energy of fear. When it's not solidified in one direction or another, that very energy pierces us to the heart, and it opens us. This is the discovery of egolessness. It's when all our usual schemes fall apart.”
Humans are always scheming but are often blind to it. The “fall aparts” allow us entry into ourselves so we can choose whether we wish to continue, or if we’d rather bring honesty and deeper intimacy to ourselves and our relationships. This is the path to freedom and is the miracle of the Babe, born in a manger, whose own birth offers my rebirth one “fall apart” at a time.
We were recently discussing New Year’s Resolutions. Mine might go, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Light comes from Him. Peace comes from Him. Not from something outside of me—something I am clinging to—rather, from within, as I embrace and lean toward life’s natural disappointments, discomforts, and disturbances, and allow them to show me something about myself I cannot see.
“Oh, come, let us adore him, Christ, the Lord”, He who intimately knows—and imbues with power—those who surrender to that which they most wish to avoid.
I dearly love you and wish you a wonderful Christmas week, one fully awake to “grief, relief, misery, and joy” and the rebirth they all offer.
Christina Judd
Quotes from Pema Chödrön’s book When Things Fall Apart.
Scripture reference: Psalms 119:105