There are two things I know for certain: Our immortality and eternal life are not ours to earn—no amount of good works makes us deserving of either—and, we are fully loved by our Heavenly Parents and Savior, right now, regardless of what we are or are not doing. Mortality is working—Jesus is working—regardless of what we are or are not doing.
I sat across from client after client last year while doing therapy—people who did not even believe in God—and I watched Him perform miracles for them, heal them, love them, hold them. I watched how close He was to them. How He led them. How mortality was working for them. And they didn’t even believe He existed.
Mortality works. Jesus works. Not because of what we do but because of who Jesus Christ is.
Recently, I was upstairs reading. May was whining louder every minute, bugging her sisters who were doing school. They tried to fend her off. She screamed louder. The big girls were now shouting so I went downstairs. I picked May up (her screaming, “AANNNIIIEEE STTTOOOPPPPPPP!!” with her eyes closed). When she opened them and saw me, she said, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’ll stop! I won’t do it anymore!” (Lies.) I carried her out the back door, which I usually lock shut, so I (and hopefully she) can calm down. But with my recent fresh view of God—that They like us and love us even when we cannot like or love ourselves—I have also gained a fresh view of myself and of my children.
I went outside with May and closed the door behind us. She softened and we simply chatted. When she could tell me what was happening in her own mind and body, I pulled her close, snuggled her into me, and said, “I just like you so much!” (what she usually says to us, hand in hand, on our dark, late-night walks.) While this was only a 3-year-old problem, I believe it spans eternity. She was not mine to solve, to fix, to make all better. I just needed to be there.
Jennifer Finlayson-Fife has said collaboration is doing 100% of what is our responsibility and 0% of what is not.
The perfect example of this, for me, is the angel who came to the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was not there to make it better, make it hurt less, heal it or fix it or change it; he was not there to make things easier for the Savior. His goal was not to help the Savior suffer less. That wasn’t his responsibility. He was simply to be there. The Savior had to carry 100% of what was his responsibility.
I make myself stronger, and allow my children to choose strength (if they want it, they might not—right now), when I do not take upon myself even 1% of their responsibility.
We are made perfect by the things which we suffer (Heb 2:10, 5:8). If those we love are suffering, we remember that mortality is still working on them, and on us, and that Jesus has them. We are wise to discern what is our responsibility and what is not. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually, and give others the freedom to do the same.
I recently spoke with one father whose grown son is suffering. He desperately wants to help him (fix it). I shared with him that his own personal growth, healing, and change will be the miracle that comes of his no longer trying to fix or solve someone else.
Submission to the suffering, the discomfort—exactly what Christ exemplified—brings sanctification, purification, perfection. “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” It’s all His work.
Here are some recent podcasts that have been soul-filling and healing to me, that have specifically reminded me to “Be still”—especially in my own suffering, and as I see others suffer.
Greg McKeown: Essentialism—A Disciple’s Path (This book and idea has completely changed my life over the last month).
Ashley called me to say she was reading At One Ment by Thomas Wirthlin McConkie and I immediately bought it. I read the first five pages three times. So far, it’s everything I believe mortality, Jesus, and the world is (but I’m savoring it and still in chapter 1).
Here is a podcast episode that was also a soothing balm by Thomas McConkie:
Quiet Confidence: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/quiet-confidence/id1281666719?i=1000708879205
President Uchtdorf recently spoke at BYU about joy and sorrow, “If you wait for sorrow to end before you experience joy, you might miss joy completely. To experience a measure of sorrow may enable your heart and mind to receive pure heavenly joy!” https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dieter-f-uchtdorf/joyfully-receive-the-unexpected-messiah/
All my love (and stillness—not in the absence of sorrow) to each of you,
Christina
One more random thought. The other day Tyler and I were chatting about me starting my own mental health practice (which is not in our plans, I was just dreaming). I asked, “What would we call it?” (I did my internship last year at Just Be Counseling Services and it was a dream!) Tyler said, “Well, Kelsey’s practice is Just Be, yours can be Just Breathe Counseling Services.” I died.
When we stop doing and start breathing a host of problems disappear.
It is there I find God.
